From Beth, Founder of Spectrum Transition Coaching
When I talk to queer and neurodivergent students getting ready for college, one theme comes up again and again: Will I find my people?
It’s a real fear and an incredibly valid one. College can feel like it was designed for a specific kind of student. If you’re not loud or extroverted or excited to cheer at every football game, it can feel like you’re constantly swimming upstream in this new environment.
That’s why I love this guide by guest contributor, Roland Scheppske of LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative. Roland doesn’t sugarcoat how hard it can be while reminding you that you get to define what college looks like. You don’t need to fake your way through college to find belonging. You just need the right tools and some honest encouragement from folks who’ve been there.
This one’s for the quiet kids, the quirky kids, the ones who stim in class and change their hair color every month and ask big, beautiful questions about how to live authentically in a world that doesn’t always understand.
Read on. There’s a place for you on a welcoming campus.
About Our Guest Author, Roland Scheppske (LPC, Psychotherapist)
With over 12 years in the health
care field, Roland utilizes the relationship between the client and therapist to facilitate forward growth and healing, with the goal of becoming the best version of themselves. Roland uses a variety of therapeutic approaches, including experiential and reality-based approaches to highlight implementing changes in the here & now. As a big proponent of creating connections, Roland makes the therapy setting conversational and comfortable to promote safety and collaboration in the therapeutic space.
By Roland Scheppske (LPC, Psychotherapist at LGBT+ Counseling Collaborative)
College is often described as “the best years of your life.” But if you’re autistic, queer, or both, that phrase might feel more like a threat than a promise. Maybe you’re excited to be in a new place with fewer rules. Or maybe you’re overwhelmed by the noise, unpredictability, and pressure to “find your people” immediately.
Let’s name it upfront: traditional campus life isn’t designed with neurodivergent or queer students in mind. But that doesn’t mean there’s no place for you. It just means you might need a different map.
This guide is for you—the student who’s not sure where they fit in, the one trying to survive (and maybe even enjoy) life on campus without masking, burning out, or disappearing into isolation.
You deserve belonging. Not just tolerance. Not just access. Actual belonging—the kind where people get your memes and your sensory needs.
Here’s how to start building that.
1. Start Small and Specific
You do not need to join the biggest club fair or make 15 new friends your first week. In fact, if you’re feeling pressured to do so, pause. The best communities tend to grow slowly and intentionally—just like friendships in real life.
Instead of trying to “fit in” somewhere generic, try asking yourself:
- What makes me feel curious?
- What spaces have people like me?
- What makes me feel safe enough to speak?
Then look for:
- Smaller identity-based orgs (LGBTQIA+, disability rights, BIPOC affinity groups)
- Niche academic groups (like a medieval history or robotics club)
- Arts-based spaces (zine workshops, open mic nights, queer theater troupes)
These often attract people who get nuance—and who don’t need you to explain your whole existence just to be included.
2. Find the Other Weird Kids
Let’s be honest—neurodivergent and queer folks often find the most comfort not in the “cool” spaces but in the weird ones. The D&D clubs. The anime circles. The co-op kitchens. The late-night queer poetry readings.
Look for flyers that are slightly offbeat. Join a Discord server for the club even if you don’t go in person at first. Follow a queer org’s Instagram before attending an event. You’re allowed to lurk before you leap.
Sometimes the people who seem awkward, intense, or “too much” at first end up being the most affirming friends you’ll ever make.
3. Schedule Downtime Like It’s Sacred
Campus life can feel like it demands constant energy—walking everywhere, spontaneous conversations, roommate dynamics, academic stress. For autistic students, this sensory and social load adds up fast.
You are not doing it wrong if you need recovery time after a class or social event. In fact, honoring that need is what allows you to stay present the rest of the time.
Try this:
- Block out “quiet hours” on your calendar like you would for a class.
- Create a ritual that helps you shift gears (a walk, a stim toy, a playlist).
- Find a physical location that’s low-stimulation (library nooks, meditation rooms, or unused classrooms).
You don’t have to go to every event. You’re allowed to rest without apologizing.
4. Use the Resources—Even If They Feel Awkward
Many campuses offer LGBTQ+ centers, disability offices, mental health services, and peer mentoring. Sometimes these spaces feel too official or formal. But they can be powerful starting points, especially when you’re new.
Here’s a tip: reach out with a specific question.
Instead of “How can you help me?” try:
- “Do you know if there’s a trans-affirming therapist on campus?”
- “I’m autistic and struggling with cafeteria noise—are there any dining accommodations?”
- “Is there a disability or queer student group I could talk to?”
The staff in these offices are often used to helping students navigate systems. You don’t have to figure it all out yourself.
5. Redefine What “Success” Looks Like
You may have people in your life (including professors or even friends) who expect you to perform college a certain way—loud, busy, constantly networking, joining Greek life, or being the “fun gay friend.”
But your worth is not measured in extracurriculars or extroversion.
Maybe success for you means:
- Going to one event this month and feeling good about it.
- Passing your classes while setting solid boundaries.
- Finding one professor who respects your access needs.
- Discovering a group chat where you can send memes and vent freely.
Your version of thriving might be quieter, slower, or more intentional. That doesn’t make it less valid. It makes it yours.
6. Create the Space That Doesn’t Exist (Yet)
If you don’t see a space on campus that truly fits you, you have the right to make one.
That could look like:
- Starting a neurodivergent LGBTQIA+ peer group (even if it’s just 3 people and a Google doc)
- Hosting a sensory-friendly movie night with low lights and subtitles
- Creating a “quiet corner” during Pride events for folks who need less stimulation
- Putting up a flyer that says “Queer + Autistic? Me too. Let’s meet for tea.”
You’re not alone—and when you make a space for yourself, others like you often show up relieved to know they’re not alone either.
7. Trust That Your People Are Out There
Belonging isn’t about being liked by everyone. It’s about being known and understood by the people who matter. That takes time—and it doesn’t always happen in Week One.
But your people? The ones who don’t flinch at your stims, who laugh at your niche references, who check in after a shutdown or let you take your time coming out? They’re out there.
It might take a missed connection, a few awkward intros, or a season of loneliness. But keep trying, in small ways. You deserve belonging that feels like exhaling.
And if you need to hear it from someone who gets it: You don’t have to change who you are to be worthy of connection. You are already enough.