As parent of autistic students, our calendars are packed with IEP meetings and therapy appointments on top of regular work commitments, school events and extracurricular activities.
This busy schedule means that it is hard to find the time or mental space to take a step back and think about college readiness as a whole.
Through hundreds of conversations with parents of autistic teens, we’ve discovered the 3 common mistakes parents make when preparing their autistic students for college. We’ll also share practical ways that your family can avoid these mistakes in your own personal experience.
For more in depth guidance on preparing for all aspects of campus life, check out our College 101 course. Register for a free preview to get a sneak peak at the videos. Work through the 6 modules at your own pace and include your student in the conversations about each area of college readiness as you work on your custom action plan together.
In the course, you’ll also receive a workbook, resource links and priority access to coaching sessions. Parents have called it “an absolute game-changer for families with students with ASD.”
Mistake #1: Procrastinating until senior year
It’s easy to think that schedules will calm down during senior year. After all, most students are done with their college applications in the fall and have completed SAT/ACT/AP exams. But don’t forget all of the senior-specific celebrations and activities that your student may want to be a part of:
- Senior portraits and yearbook activities
- Senior breakfast/lunch events
- Graduation party planning
- Cap and gown fittings
- Senior awards ceremonies
- Prom and other school dances
- Senior night for extracurriculars
- Final theatrical perfomances
Solution
Start building college readiness skills in middle school and grow these skills in the early years of high school. These skills take time for students to learn, test, fail and try again. Giving yourself time to build these skills is incredibly different than trying to cram them into a busy senior year.
In middle school, focus on life skills and self advocacy.
- (Life Skills) Money management and an understanding of cost of living: Take your middle school student grocery shopping with a list and a budget. Help them understand the difference between name brand and store brand items. Explain why shopping for sale items can stretch their budget. Ask your student to make their own trade off decisions to learn the value of a dollar in your family conversations (i.e. Would you like to go this sporting event or eat out at a restaurant? We can only do one of the two to stay on budget this week.)
- (Life Skills) Responsibility for their own laundry: 7th and 8th graders are more than capable of sorting clothes, running the washer and dryer, folding clothes and putting them away in the correct place. Start by teaching them alongside you and gradually allow them to take more responsibility for the process. It’s ok if a favorite white shirt turns pink – that is a lesson you would rather them learn now!
- (Life Skills) Increased responsibility for personal schedule including waking for school: Talk to your student about creating a plan to set their alarm (ideally on an alarm clock instead of their phone) and manage their time to get dressed, eat breakfast, gather their supplies and get out of the door on time. Again, experiencing tardiness in middle school is a lesson that has fewer consequences than learning how to get up in the morning as a freshman in college.
- (Self- Advocacy) Communicate directly with teachers & other school staff: Middle school is an excellent time to start the shift from ‘manager’ to ‘advisor.’ This means that instead of personally handling every detail for your student, you act as an advisor to point them in the right direction so that they can execute the task themselves. A great example of this is if your student needs make up assignments for missing school. Instead of you emailing the teacher, this is an opportunity for your student to draft a professional email, ask you to proofread and then send from their email account.
- (Self- Advocacy) More involvement in routine doctor visits and include time alone with doctor: Teens may feel more comfortable speaking to their doctor without a parent in the room. Allow them to have some 1:1 time with the doctor to discuss any concerns. After appointments, ask them what the next steps are and schededule follow up consultations together.
- (Self- Advocacy) More involvement in decisions about school courses and extra-curricular activities: Middle schoolers have strong opinions about which activities they want to pursue and what they want to skip. Don’t force your interests on you kid – let them decide if they want to do sports or art or music. They’ll enjoy it more if they got to make the decision.
In high school, continue building on the skills established in middle school and slowly shift more responsibility to the student. Focus on executive function with a weekly family meeting, outlining supports and research testing accommodations. Focus on social communication through hobbies, modeling different types of social interaction and facilitate situations for the child to practice communication.
By the time your student is in high school, they will be ready to have “big picture” college conversations and learn about the key differences between high school and college. Balance focus between the college application process and the actual college experience. Encourage open dialogue about stress management, self advocacy and healthy habits.
By starting early, you give your student plenty of runway to build these skills step by step. It is much easier to support your student when they are still living under your roof!
Mistake #2: Underestimating your student
It’s natural for parents to see their students as their precious little ones. They have loved and nurtured this little life from the day they were born. Sometimes this causes parents to underestimate their student’s abilities if they have a hard time picturing them as the mature young adult that they are. This comes from a genuine place of love, but underestimating your autistic student’s skills can do them a disservice.
Solution
If your student is interested in increasing their independence in an area of their life, try to quiet your concerns and let them take the reins.
Will it go perfectly? No.
Will it be a huge mess? Maybe.
Will your student learn valuable life lessons while their support system (you) is right there? Absolutely.
There are many ways that your student can increase their independence and build confidence including:
- Shop on their own for new clothes. Using a gift card is a great way to practice independence and let your student select what they genuinely want to wear.
- Arrange a college visit. Have your student select a college campus they want to see and plan the trip – set a date, figure out transportation, register for a tour and find a map of campus.
- Pursue a new interest. If your student has a new interest in anime or animals, music or Minecraft, encourage them to learn more through community clubs, extracurricular activities or local events. Support their plan with rides to and from events and ask them questions about their new interest.
Mistake #3: Focusing solely on academics
As a society, we are obsessed with the college admissions process. We ask:
- Which campuses are you visiting?
- Did you apply for scholarships?
- What’s your major?
- Did you apply early action or early decision?
- Where is your student going to school next year?
Academics is one part of the college experience. Successful autistic college students are able to balance academics with social activities and take care of their own personal needs to stay well and balanced.
At Spectrum Transition Coaching, we have defined 6 unique areas of college readiness. Grab our free download here learn more.
Solution
Widen your perspective when you think about college readiness. Academics is one piece of the pie but your student will also need to:
- Manage their time and schedule effectively
- Understand which study techniques help them to stay on track with coursework
- Regulate their emotions
- Build healthy habits around eating, sleeping and exercise
- Understand many forms of social communication including email, text, social media and in-person conversations
- Know when to ask for help and what types of help are available
- Be able to get back up after a setback and try again
By including all of these skills in your preparation, your student will be ready to thrive as they take the next step after high school.